April 19, 2016

An Unorthodox View

unorthodox (ŭn-ôrˈthə-dŏks)


  1. Breaking with convention or tradition
  2. Independent in behavior or thought
  3. Nonconformist

Synonyms: unconventional, unusual, irregular, abnormal, off-the-wall (slang), out there (slang), heretical, dissenting, renegade, maverick (slang), counter-culture

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When I was two years old, I was puzzled by the difference between what the adults around me said with their words and what they were saying with their body language. When I “said what I saw,” their body language clearly said, “Don’t make me look.” Don’t make me look at the things I don’t want to look at.

It was clear to me that they didn’t want me to “see” them, and most of all, it was clear they didn’t want to hear what I saw. I kept on “seeing,” but I stopped “saying.”

Other instances quickly unfolded that led me to think that I was somehow different than those around me. I didn’t know why this was so. All I knew was that it was as if I was a different species.

I was very obedient and generally shy, so no one knew that inwardly I did not accept their thinking or values. I questioned everything, and felt lost and at sea most of the time, so I kept to myself when I could and occupied myself with reading, drawing, and playing with what toys I was allowed to have as a girl who was more interested in building things and in chemistry sets than I was in the dolls and tea set I had been given to prepare me for the life my parents had envisioned for me.

By the time I was eight years old, I realized that there was nowhere that I was fully received. Not in my family, not in school, and not anywhere else. No one really wanted me as I truly was or wanted what I had to offer, so I decided that I would go away and come back when I was out on my own.

Even then, I somehow knew that a day would come when I would be out on my own, away from my family and my childhood home. Even then, I knew that I wasn’t going to follow the path my parents had laid out for me, that I wasn’t going to marry young, have children and stay near them. It came as a clear knowing: Something in me knew where I was going, and I decided to trust that it would lead me there.

When I was ten years old, I stood in the hall outside of the science classroom and proclaimed, “When I grow up, I will be a scientist in Berkeley, California.” Twelve years later, I was a scientist, working for the University of California in Berkeley, California, but when I was ten, I had never even heard of Berkeley, California. Something in me knew all of that, too, but I had no idea what that something was.

When I finally moved to California, my mother made sure I had someone there to connect with. It turned out that I had a second cousin living in Redwood City, just south of San Francisco. I originally lived in Oakland, but moved to San Francisco after I changed jobs and saw my cousin more often after that. At some point, she told me I was “counterculture,” but I had no idea what that meant. All I could think of at the time was that whoever I voted for never got elected, so I just assumed I was different and let it go at that.

That was a very long time ago, and that “something” inside me kept directing me through the many twists and turns of my life. Outwardly, I conformed to the world around me, but it was if I led two separate lives: the one that others could see and the one I kept tucked away inside — the part of me that listened to and followed the directives of that invisible “something” that was guiding me.

I was consciously called to my spiritual path on March 9, 1981, but it wasn’t until I decided to create this web site that I was able to put my finger on the term that described my perspective — unorthodox. All of these years I had quietly gone my own way, and while I never made a fuss about any of it, I gradually rejected other views of “how it is” and formulated my own in their place. This took place in many stages, over my entire life, and eventually I just outgrew the ideas that I had been taught and came to my own conclusions, based on my experiences and observations. I want to share my experiences, insights and conclusions with you here, and if you resonate with them, perhaps you are “unorthodox,” too.

— Traveler

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8 Comments on “An Unorthodox View

May 19, 2016 at 7:42 PM

I am definitely unorthodox.

May 20, 2016 at 8:06 AM

LOL! I think most of us here fit with that. Good to hear from you.


Carlos Romero
May 24, 2016 at 12:20 AM

Thank you for starting this Blog.
I can definitely relate to feeling different and unorthodox.

Looking forward to reading and discovering more 🙂


May 27, 2016 at 8:31 PM

Carlos, thank you for joining us here. I hope we will hear more from you as things progress.


May 27, 2016 at 11:41 AM

Haven’t had a chance to read any of the posts accept the introduction and the first newsletter, just now, but I will read them in order, slowly. Thanks for providing them. I feel more and more detached from the past and the outside world, just floating and living in the now. The feeling of waiting for things to change for the better is still there in the background though. Surfing a wave is a really good analogy.

May 27, 2016 at 8:30 PM

Linda, welcome!


David Fiske
May 28, 2016 at 3:02 PM

You own way is the only way I think. I have never accepted a guru over me.

Kachina Bluestar
December 15, 2016 at 7:54 PM

Hello Traveler,

Good to be among fellow “inner-directeds” as I think of such as ourselves, I too was led to California, Palo Alto — now it’s the Central Coast, a wild ride, now I’m a bit tired,

Bless you, Kachina Bluestar


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