“Letting go is the great loss that gains all”
— Preston Prescott, founder of Bridge Mountain Foundation, Boulder Creek, CA
Things have been pretty strange and challenging for the past week or so. I have had heavy clearings and tried on a lot of different shoes, followed by massive infusions of jiggle every time I thought I had sorted things out. On Friday night (Feb. 3), I lay awake most of the night, trying to let go of everything that was tying me up in knots.
I finally was able to find the magic “spot” within myself (a la Carlos Casteneda) where I achieved release and then experienced something rather extraordinary. I literally shattered, like breaking through some kind of barrier (“the glass ceiling”?), and found myself in a place that was very spacious and clearly was less defined than my ordinary reality. I could see the pieces coming off of me and the nature of the space that was revealed. It had the “color that is not a color”(a somewhat milky or misty blue that is not quite blue) that I had seen when I had the transcendent experience that I wrote about in “The Return.” Muktananda has called it the “blue pearl experience,” and it is generally associated with enlightenment or the state of expanded consciousness known as samadhi.
“All the years you have felt “out of step” with the existing paradigm are now revealed as those parts of your particular pattern that will supply the necessary deviation from the central “tone” of the existing paradigm to shatter it, on an energetic level. This is one of the reasons you have all felt so “different,” as if you were “marching to a different drummer.” You are! And that differentness will serve the planet by breaking the energetic bonds that maintain the material of the present paradigm.
Isn’t it wonderful to know that everything you thought might be “wrong” with you is now your means to create a pathway to something utterly new? Sound and light are the elements out of which the entire Creation is formed. You bring light into the planet and you emit sound to shatter the container that has perpetuated the cycles of third-density existence. You are shattering the “glass ceiling” that has kept the planet and the people on it from advancing to the next level of being.
This is a great act of service, and it has required and will continue to require much of you. The greatest act you can do to support this process is to go within, allow everything to move through you, and peacefully surrender to the process as it unfolds. By doing this, you become a “superconductor” for the higher light to enter the planet, and you emit a purer tone to shatter the glass ceiling of the existing paradigm.” (from “Shattering Glass”)
The following day (Saturday, Feb. 4), my husband and I were in town for our weekly shopping and errands and both of us noticed that when we were driving through a section of the Blue Ridge Parkway, en route to our last stop, it felt like we were floating through the landscape and totally separate from it. Galen commented that it felt like we were in another world, and I do think that describes how alien we felt with regard to the terrain around us. For me, it felt like we were encased in some sort of gondola like tourists use to travel through a particular landscape — able to see everything around them, but floating through it basically untouched.
In the past, going into town usually triggered anxiety for Galen, and when he gets anxious, harmony between us disappears and struggle enters. However, yesterday, we experienced a harmony and unity between us that was totally new. This morning, it also led me to understand how all of our usual ideas about being with our “twin” and what it’s like to really love someone are fundamentally “off,” because they generally include two elements that are not appropriate in a healthy relationship between two individuals who are complete within themselves.
The first element is that the “twin” is often viewed as “our other half,” which implies that we are somehow incomplete without them (not true). The other element treats the “twin” as an object, so when we look at them and say “I love you,” it’s similar to saying, “I love chocolate” (or any other object). We are expressing a sense of separateness that distinguishes “us” from “them,” and as I discovered this morning, it’s not any of those. It’s more of a sense of “This is where I belong,” and there is an unquestioning rightness about it — that it sources from the highest levels and has nothing to do with what we look like or any of the other ways of measuring whether someone is right for us or not.
The “shoes” that I have been trying on this past week have had to do with the assignment I have been given to develop my ability to use the computer to create graphic art. Part of that was that it would not be compensated for monetarily. In other words, I was not to think of it as a career through which I would get paid for what I did. I was to explore to find out what I could discover about what lay within me.
When I was six years old, I had declared my first “career decision” — to become a Walt Disney animator. I was already able to replicate all of the Disney characters, but when I was in high school and my mother suggested I make a career of art, I shrugged that off because I didn’t want to do work for hire. I wanted to do what pleased me to create and that is still the way I feel about it. Nonetheless, as I have attempted to follow where it is I am being led right now, I discovered that it is very difficult to disconnect from the need to “earn a living” enough to give myself permission to take the time to learn my craft and allow myself to be a beginner, creating my first creations, none of which would have lasting value except as practice to gain the skills I need.
I found myself being led in the direction of creating 3D images, something I had never done before. I have been finding out about the many tools that people were using to create them, including the ones that were used at Walt Disney Studios to create the movie, Moana (which inexplicably continues to have a powerful effect on both of us). They range from free software to very expensive software, and there is a huge number of YouTube tutorials to wade through for each program, including Photoshop (which I already “rent” from Adobe).
After a week of searching, trial and error, I felt drained and exhausted, but had finally attained clarity about which programs I would concentrate on and learn. It was evident that I was (once again) going to take the “road less traveled” and do what felt right for me, rather than follow the “herd.” It was this that led to the breakthrough on Friday night that shattered me and left me free to explore in that spacious place I ended up in.
And, of course, as soon as I had settled on the direction that felt right to pursue, on Saturday I got an invitation to interview for a book design position that would be ongoing and provide steady work if I got the job — something that I had wanted very much a year ago when I began work as a freelancer again for financial reasons, but something that would really put a damper on my ability to do this exploration into creating computer graphics. As much as the income would be nice, I feel I must follow the direction I am being asked to go in, which means striking out again into uncharted terrain and having to trust that I will be provided for while I do that. I do have the sense that I will be making discoveries of all kinds, not just about how to use computer tools to create, and I expect to share those insights with all of you here.
I estimate that it will take at least 2-3 months for me to begin to be proficient with these tools, and when I was eating breakfast on Friday and feeling into that time horizon, I was told “April will be the transition month.” I don’t know what that means, except that the horizon has moved outward yet again. However, it does feel like I am ALREADY in “new territory,” the new creation is a reality, and there will be many discoveries to be made in the days, weeks and months ahead. A journey is peppered with discoveries and this traveler’s travels are no exception.
My memory continues to fade, although I am able to function by writing everything down in my planner, and my sense of time has all but disappeared to the point that time has become meaningless. I am at home with the journey AS a journey, and it’s clear when I look at the outer world (which I only do occasionally these days), much is coming to the surface to be dealt with, as I wrote about in “The Apocalypse” around six months ago. There are deep divisions and deeply-felt emotions surfacing and all of it was predicted by the Hosts years ago. (All of this is discussed in detail in “The Best Medicine,” particularly about the “underbelly of the ship of state.”
I don’t expect to have any news that addresses the “when” question for quite a while. It’s all process now, and while I can report my discoveries as they arise, it’s just MY process and may not apply to anyone else. Hopefully, though, regardless of the details of your own personal journey, you will find value in knowing that we are still progressing steadily toward our exit point and destination(s). I also feel that (for me, anyway) this “art exploration” is about navigating inner space and finding new ways to operate within it.
I have called this piece “Bits and Pieces,” both because I feel that I have personally been shattered into bits and pieces and I have also lightly touched on several topics in talking about it with you today. I hope you find some at least some of it useful.
Love to all,
Sara/Adonna/Oriole aka Traveler